Research Paper – The Road of Light (Draft)

Thesis (with numbers corresponding to changes):

Original: In order for people to find their meaning of life, they must eliminate three main barriers: Contemporary technology, lack of faith, and blindness towards knowledge.
People must eliminate three critical barriers: Contemporary technology, an atheistic mindset, and blindness towards knowledge, because they mislead one from finding the true meaning of their lives.
People must eliminate three critical road blocks: Antisocialism, lack of faith, and blindness towards knowledge, because they mislead one from going on the correct path that leads to finding meaning of one’s life.
People must eliminate three critical road blocks: Antisocialism, lack of faith, and blindness towards knowledge, because they lead one off track so that they could not find their meaning of life.
The road to finding meaning of life is paved with sociable traits, a religious mindset, and filled with knowledge.
People must walk on the road that consists of sociable traits, a religious mindset, and acceptance of knowledge, so that they may find meaning of life.
The road of light is paved with the glistening gems of sociable traits, a religious mindset, and acceptance of knowledge, and walking on it helps one find their meaning of life.

None of these were used as the final thesis, but were getting closer and closer to the final.

Increase interaction/socialism:	Having a religious mindset:	Being smart/knowledgeable:
Decrease in use of contemporary technology	Removing the mindset of lacking faith	Not acting silly or immature
Opposite: Antisocialism	Opposite: Lack of faith	Opposite: Lack of knowledge

Draft 1:

Life is like a road. On the road, you see numerous items: Love, joy, friendship, wisdom, and respect. However, you are made out of money, fame, pride, sin, and greed. To find meaning, you must eliminate all of those negative traits, and walk on the road of light. The road of light is paved with the glistening gems of sociable traits, acceptance of knowledge, and a religious mindset, therefore walking on it helps one find meaning of life.

Social media could sometimes be pretty harmful. Because some people predict that social media can cause isolation, social awkwardness, and useless communicators, they are scared that social connections could become a huge issue in the future, according to Tim Sharp (Facebook: Evil or Aid? 2012). In order for social media to enhance your relationships with others, you must be able to “get out from behind your computer every now and then and enjoy the pleasures of other people’s company” (Sharp, Tim, 2012). And since being sociable is such a huge deal in today’s society, people must adapt and change. According to (), a reason why women start becoming much more successful in today’s society is due to their change in sociable traits (Woman Change, Men Stay the Same, 2001). Their “‘negative’ qualities traditionally associated with femininity” have decreased, like “indirect methods of influencing others”, and have changed into a highly effective way of talking to others (Woman Change, Men Stay the Same, 2001). People who have changed to becoming much more sociable have found gems on the road of light, developing confidence and courage on the way.

However, knowledge and truth is also vital to walking on the path of life. To accept knowledge, you must know what is true knowledge. According to Professor Ben Carson, people don’t need to know as much knowledge because everyone has cell phones (A Duty to Become Well-Informed, 2013). However, we still need to determine the true and the false knowledge. The most direct way of finding true knowledge is through observing. Albert Einstein stated in his book Relativity, “The carriage is in motion relative to the embankment; The embankment is in motion relative to the carriage” (2005). This is true, because if an object A is ten meters away from object B, object B is also ten meters away from object A, and this could be observed in real life.

Another way to true knowledge is through proving theories. How can someone prove that Newton’s Laws and theories are true? Sometimes, these theories can be proven through calculation, but some of them cannot be proven by sheer human intelligence. On the other hand, accepting the knowledge means the acceptance of physical reality and the acceptance of assumptions by faith, according to Owen Gingerich (Faith and the Laws of Nature, 2008). Acquiring and accepting knowledge challenges one’s faith, but it simultaneously helps develop a mindset that helps determine truth on the road of light.

However, accepting truth is not enough, because you have to put your faith and belief in it. “Is it more reasonable to believe we were created by sheer luck of time plus chance for no reason?” Don Veinot questioned himself (Former Atheist to Share Thoughts on Questioning Faith, 2005). A large group of scientists, which are atheists, believe this to be true. However, according to Wayne Anderson, “Science will not replace religion” (2001). Instead, he claims that science is the basis to any religion. In Life Calling: Living Your Life with the Power of Purpose, Bill Millard concluded that many science experiments have led to an intentional pattern created by a God, and contradict the theories created by Atheists (34-38). Because even science proves that there is a God, there is no reason why people still do not have a belief. But, believing in a religion has a lot to offer. In the Bible, Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (NIV). Psychologist Steven Pinker argued that a belief and practice in a religion gives comfort, outlines a set of moral values, and brings a community together (The Evolutionary Psychology of Religion, 2006). Although believing in a religion does not give everything anyone wants, it does give comfort and love on the road of light.

Although the road of light is paved with gems, no one would be able to walk on it unless one is sociable, acquires knowledge, and has a religious mindset. Because the road of light contains valuable traits of comfort, love, truthfulness, faith, confidence, and courage, placing these traits in the heart will give you guidance. Without experiencing on the road of light, one would simply find himself or herself vulnerable to temptation, which leads themselves away from finding meaning in life.

(799 words)

Works Cited

Anderson, Wayne. “Why Should People Choose Science over Religion?” Free Inquiry, vol. 21, no. 4, Fall 2001. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-79382243/why-should-people-choose-science-over-religion.

“A Duty to Become Well-Informed; Smart Application of Knowledge Isn’t Just for Cellphones.” The Washington Times (Washington, DC), June 6 Nov. 2013. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-348315378/a-duty-to-become-well-informed-smart-application.

Einstein, Albert. Relativity: The Special and General Theory. New York, Pi Press, 2005.

“Facebook: Evil or Aid? Many Find Life Online Good for Their Social Connections.” Coffs Coast Advocate (Coffs Harbour, Australia), June 6 Oct. 2012. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-304404327/facebook-evil-or-aid-many-find-life-online-good.

Gingerich, Owen. “Faith and the Laws of Nature.” Science & Spirit, vol. 19, no. 2, March-April 2008, p. 66. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-176775843/faith-and-the-laws-of-nature.

Holy Bible: New International Version. Grand Rapids, MI, Zondervan, 2005.

“Jesus Shows Us Meaning of Life.” The Washington Times (Washington, DC), 20 Mar. 2006. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-143448946/jesus-shows-us-meaning-of-life.

Millard, Bill. Chapter 1-4. Life Calling – Living Your Life with the Power of Purpose. Marion, Indiana: Alban Willis Millard Jr., 2015. 1-84. Print.

Pierce, Victoria. “Former Atheist to Share Thoughts on Questioning Faith.” Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, IL), June 6 Aug. 2005. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-134933615/former-atheist-to-share-thoughts-on-questioning-faith.

Pinker, Steven. “The Evolutionary Psychology of Religion.” The Humanist, vol. 66, no. 5, September-October 2006, pp. 10+. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-151548842/the-evolutionary-psychology-of-religion.

“Women Change, Men Stay the Same.” Marketing to Women: Addressing Women and Women’s Sensibilities, vol. 14, no. 5, May 2001. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-75213560/women-change-men-stay-the-same.

Some anonymous feedback from classmates:

Lacks title page, Headers and page number, “According to ()” (2nd paragraph), fix the blank, Otherwise fine
Ideas need to be slightly more specific
Examples of how social media misleads and provides disinformation, such as fake news on fb (Facebook) or post truth
Couldn’t really tell between your book references and additional references but still good!!!
you don’t really have a specific counter argument.
The ideas and content are extremely creative and interesting
This essay was clearly planned out, and there was a specific intro, body and end
Might want to use better vocab to describe your well placed ideas
The sentences flowed into each other seamlessly. Transitions were so smooth I barely noticed that it was a different sentence.
There was a specific style to the paper that made it unique and original. Using scientific analogies to illustrate your concepts was really innovative
The road paved with gems metaphor was great, but there needs to be more other creative writing aspects
Somewhat original idea, could do with being even more personal to create even more originality.

Draft 2, after reading comments from peers

The Road of Light

Javier Lam

International Christian School

Since being sociable is such a huge deal in today’s society, people must adapt and change. According to an unknown contributor for Marketing to Women, a reason why women start becoming much more successful in today’s society is due to their change in sociable traits (Woman Change, Men Stay the Same, 2001). Their “‘negative’ qualities traditionally associated with femininity” have decreased, like “indirect methods of influencing others”, and have changed into a highly effective way of talking to others (Woman Change, Men Stay the Same, 2001). They have also developed a strong listening value – which is “more than an art of habit… one we need to work hard to develop” (Millard, 2015) People who have changed to becoming much more sociable have found gems on the road of light, developing confidence and courage on the way.

Although being sociable opens a realm to obtain knowledge through in-depth conversations, being able to accept knowledge is also vital to walking on the path of life. To accept knowledge, you must know what is true knowledge. According to Professor Ben Carson, people don’t need to know as much knowledge because everyone has cell phones (A Duty to Become Well-Informed, 2013). However, we still need to determine the true and the false knowledge, and according to Bill Millard, there are a handful of ways to find knowledge, such as through physics or other fields of science (34). The most direct way of finding true knowledge is through observing. Albert Einstein stated in his book Relativity, “The carriage is in motion relative to the embankment; The embankment is in motion relative to the carriage” (2005). This is true, because if an object A is ten meters away from object B, object B is also ten meters away from object A, and this could be observed in real life.

(905 words)

Works Cited

Einstein, Albert. Relativity: The Special and General Theory. New York, Pi Press, 2005.

Gingerich, Owen. “Faith and the Laws of Nature.” Science & Spirit, vol. 19, no. 2, March-April 2008, p. 66. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-176775843/faith-and-the-laws-of-nature.

Holy Bible: New International Version. Grand Rapids, MI, Zondervan, 2005.

“Jesus Shows Us Meaning of Life.” The Washington Times (Washington, DC), 20 Mar. 2006. Questia School, questiaschool.com/read/1G1-143448946/jesus-shows-us-meaning-of-life.

Millard, Bill. Chapter 1-4. Life Calling – Living Your Life with the Power of Purpose. Marion, Indiana: Alban Willis Millard Jr., 2015. Print.

Comments from Mr. Nollan:

The metaphor of “walk on the road of light” sounds a little ethereal and metaphysical; somewhat New-Age like. It’s a fine metaphor, though, and hopefully you clarify what you mean as I read the rest of your paper.

You need transitions between paragraphs. You jump from your thesis straight to “Social media could sometimes be harmful.” This makes no sense without some context to lead us there.

Who is Tim Sharp, and why should I care what he thinks? Using parentheses for references in the paper isn’t necessary, but if you use them, you should use the same format every time.

The whole paragraph on social media makes sense by itself, but doesn’t make sense in the context of your paper. Why are you telling us this? What’s the point? Tie it back into your thesis.

How is the example from Einstein connected to this? I get the object A and object B analogy, but I don’t see how it’s relevant. You need to make the relevance more clear to your reader. Explain it directly.

Avoid using “you” or “your” in research papers. You don’t really mean ME.

You state that, “many science experiments have led to an intentional pattern created by a God,” but that’s not what you mean. That statement literally means that the experiments created the pattern. What you mean is that the experiments have revealed the pattern, or have suggested that there is a pattern. See the difference?

Your last sentence is poorly worded. Read it aloud and make some changes for fluency.

By the end of the paper, I think I see what you mean by the road of light, and the pavement on it. Those glistening gems of “sociable traits, acceptance of knowledge, and a religious mindset” CREATE the road of light rather than simply pave it. That would make more sense to me, anyway.

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